


Crumbling Dreams

by Marvel_fanatic



Category: Black Veil Brides
Genre: Andley - Freeform, BVB, Blood, Eating Disorder, Gore, Hospital, M/M, Mental Health disorders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-03-11 11:05:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13522935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvel_fanatic/pseuds/Marvel_fanatic
Summary: You never know when your world will come crumbling down. You can only hope that it never does, but when it does just hope you aren’t the cause of it.Warnings for: Blood, Violence, Mentions of eating disorders





	1. Crumbling Dreams

Ashley started down at his hands, still covered in the, now dried, red sticky substance that was his blood. His clothes were covered in it, he smelt like copper and death.

"Ash!" He looked up, seeing CC and Anna coming running in. "Dude, what the hell happened, why are you covered in blood? Are you hurt?" CC panicked seeing his best friend covered in blood and in a hospital waiting room. "You texted me saying you had brought Andy to the hospital, but you're fucking covered in blood."

"It's Andy's." Ashely voice came out as a harsh whisper, his eyes were rimmed red, tear tracks staining his cheeks, his light eyeliner running down his cheeks with it.

"What the hell happened to him?' CC asked, "And where is he?"

"He's in sugary, I-I went over to his place so we could go over new stuff I came up with and, h-he" Ashley let out a choked sob. "He was laying on the ground in a pool of blood, I couldn't tell where it was coming from there was so much." He choked out, tears streaming down his face.

"Who the hell would've done that?" Anna asked in shock.

Ashely whispered something to himself, fists balling in anger.

"Do you know who did it Ash, we need to press charges." CC asked, looking up seeing Jinxx and Jake running in, also questioning why Ashely was covered in blood. After CC quickly filled the two guitarists in the three of them, plus Anna turned to Ashely.

"Well who are we getting arresting?" Jake asked impatiently.

"Juliet." Ashley said softly, "Juliet did this to him." He said with a little more confidence.

"Ash, we don't know that for sure." Jake said slowly.

"Before, we get into this." Jinxx calmed the on coming argument, "Ash we need to wash that blood off you."

"Yeah." Ashely nodded, following Jinxx as they walked to the bathroom, numbly staring as Jinxx scrubbed the blood off of his skin.

"Ash, we both know Juliet is abusive. We've seen the bruises she's caused, but what would cause her to want to murder him, do yo remember how you found him?" Jinxx questioned slowly, knowing that Ashely and Andy were the closest of the band and their friendship had strengthened during their last 2 year tour.

"He was laying on his stomach, next to his couch. His was shirtless and I think I saw Juliet's bra on the side of..." Ashley froze. His face going white. "No... No. NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" He screamed grabbing his hair and pulling, fresh tears streaming down his face.

"What is it?" Jinxx asked,  "Ashely what did you remember?!" He asked grabbing Ashely's arms and forcing Ashely to look him in the eye.

"He told me no marks and I didn't listen, I thought she wouldn't see, but she did and, fuck. It's all my fault." Ashely continued whispering to himself.

"What is your fault Ashley? What did she see?" Jinxx asked, having no clue what Ashely was talking about, something about Andy and marks.

"All my fault. I'm such a fucking idiot." Ashely continued muttering, shaking his head as tears ran down his face.

"ASHLEY PURDY!" Jinxx screamed at his friend, causing Ashley to stop and stare at Jinxx in shock, Jinxx never yelled.

"What did Juliet see?" Jinxx asked again in a calmer voice when. 

"The hickie. She saw the fucking hickie." He rubbed his face.

"What the hell do you mean by hickie Ashley?" Jinxx asked confused.

"Even after he told me not to I left a hickie on his hip. God this is all my fault." Ashley leaned against the wall and slid down it, hugging his knees to his chest.

"You left a hickie on Andy's hip?" Jinxx questioned, sitting down next to Ashely.

"I know how it sounds, I've been helping Andy cheat on his abusive snake of a wife. I'm still just the whore looking for sex." Ashely sighed running a hand through his hair.

"You and Andy, you hooked up?" Jinxx questioned.

"Yes, for the love of god we're fucking together. I fucking took him out on a date 2 nights ago, we went back to my place and fucked, he told me no marks because Juliet's been getting handsy again, but I fucking left a hickie on him. She must've seen it and knew he was cheating on her." Ashely sighed. "This is all my fault, I should've listened to him."

Jinxx stared at Ashley in shock. "Ash, I...When did this start?" He asked.

"UK leg of the Black Mass tour, the first time he drank in months, the day after my birthday and you guys were out. We had a drunken hook up." Ashely admitted, "After that it kinda just escalated. First is was just friends with benefits, and then I started developing feelings, he did too. I tried to convince him it was because I was giving him the attention Juliet wasn't but then I realized I was acting as a better partner than his wife, and I was his fuck buddy." Ashley sighed. "He wanted to leave her, he wanted a divorce. To be with me Jinxx, me. I never thought anyone would actually want to date me." Ashely resting his head in his arms.

"Ashley, it sounds like you're in love with him." Jinxx said slowly.

"I think I am." Ashely mumbled, "He's helped me though a lot."

"Like what Ash?" Jinxx questioned.

"Whatever I say does not leave this bathroom." Ashley said sternly and Jinxx nodded, singling Ashley to go on. "Remember when I kinda dropped off the face of the earth for a couple months?" Jinxx nodded again, "I was having a major depressive episode." He mumbled, "Andy finally made me get my shit together and go to a therapist. I have depression, anxiety, insomnia, and borderline anorexia nervosa." Ashley mumbled.

"You're anorexic?" Jinxx asked in shock.

"In recovery, but I still don't eat much. Andy helps with that." He whispered quietly.

"How bad did it get?" Jinxx questioned.

"Mid Black Mass Tour. I nearly collapsed I was so malnourished. Andy found me, half conscious in the dressing room. I begged him not to take me to the hospital, he convinced me to eat an apple in exchange for not bringing me to the hospital." Ashley mumbled. "I still hate my body sometimes, but Andy. Andy makes me feel beautiful, sexy, handsome, how I used to feel." He sighed. "I know I shouldn't rely on him for my recovery, but he's my second set of eyes, he helps me through the fog of my mental illness. He's my window to reality, god I'm so fucked up." He mumbled.

"When were you diagnosed? Exactly." Jinxx questioned

"Almost year ago." He mumbled.

"And you never told us! Ashely!" Jinxx scolded him.

"I didn't want to be seen as weak. I've always been the party guy, the guy you go to for fun. Not some depressed guy who hates how he looks." Ashely mumbled, "I so sorry Jeremy. I never meant to upset you. I was scared of being seen in a different light. Andy already worries so much about me, my meds and my eating. I didn't want to be a burden to you and the rest of the guys."

"Ashley you will never be a burden." Jinxx said softly, wrapping an arm around his friend, now actually seeing how skinny Ashley was, he looked thinner compared to when they first met, and that was almost 10 years ago. "You are my brother, one of my best friends, you are my family. I would do anything for you, and so would the rest of the guys."

"Thank you." Ashely smiled lightly.

"No problem at all dude, now let's finish getting you cleaned off and go wait for Andy to come out, because there's no way that man is dying, he's too fucking stubborn." Jinxx smiled, glad that he could earn a snort out of the bassist.

Jinxx got Ashely up and continued to scrub Andy's blood from his skin. "Do you want to tell the others about yours and Andy's relationship?"

"No, not now, especially since I'm the cause of all this." Ashley mumbled

"Ashley you didn't cause this, you got carried away during sex and left a hickie because you do that the you're fucking. Juliet is the one that attempted murder." Jinxx said softly, softly wiping Andy's blood out of Ashely's hair.

"Jinxx, since Andy's probably gonna be in the hospital for a while, can I ask a favour?" Ashley asked.

"Anything Ash." Jinxx said, getting the last bits of blood off Ashley.

"Make sure I eat, even if I say I'm not hungry, make me eat something. 1 meal, 2 snacks a day. I know I'm gonna hit a low with this and I don't want to cave to my anorexia." Ashley mumbled.

"I will make sure you eat Ash, even if it's just an apple or a yogurt. A good filling healthy snack." Jinxx smiled, glad that Ashley was seeking help and was trying hard to recover.

"Thank you." He sighed, running a hand through his hair and shaking it.

"Let's head back, maybe you can talk to the guys, about with your mental health or yours and Andy's relationship." Jinxx suggested.

"Maybe." Ashely sighed, following Jinxx out of the bathroom and pack to the waiting room. He froze when he saw Juliet standing with CC, Jake, and Anna.

"Why the hell is she here?" He growled out.

"Relax Ash, she can't know that it's your hickie on Andy, she'll try to kill you too" Jinxx whispered as the two approached the rest of the group.

"Hey Ash, you feeling better?" CC questioned his friend.

"Yeah, feels good to have it washed off." Ashely sighed, trying to not glare at Juliet.

"Did you get any updates on him?" Jinxx questioned and the group shook their heads. Ashley sighed, collapsing in one of the chairs, trying to keep himself from going insane.

"Excuse us." He looked up, seeing two police officers in uniform. "We were informed that your friend was attacked, lethally injured, we'd like to take some statements so we can start a case." The officer said.

"I found him, Ashley Purdy." Ashely started and introduced himself, "I'm the bassist of our band, he's the lead singer. I was going to his place so we could go over some lyrics I came up with for our upcoming album. I have keys to his place, I walked in and found him face down in his living room, his shirt was off and there was a bra hanging off the coffee table. There was so much blood I panicked and called 911." Ashley sighed.

"He was cheating on me?!" Juliet asked, but there was something off in her voice, the guys could tell.

"We don't know for sure ma'am, all Mr. Purdy mentioned is that your husband was found bleeding out, nothing to relate him to cheating on you."

"You heard what he fucking said, Andy was shirtless, some whore's bra was on the table, and he had a fucking hickie on him, and we haven't slept together for weeks." Juliet stomped her foot in frustration.

"I never said anything about a hickie." Ashley said, glaring at Juliet. The officers turned to Juliet with suspicious looks in their eyes.

"Andrew slept with a whore, I was just showing him the consequences of being unfaithful." Juliet attempted to defend herself.

"By murdering him?!" CC asked in shock.

"He takes away the most important thing in the world to me, I do the same to him. Good luck touring when he has no vocal cords." She grinned, a psychotic look in her eyes. The officers quickly pinned down a screaming Juliet and arrested her, dragging her out to the police car and driving to the station.

Meanwhile Ashley had gone deathly white. "She tried to take away his voice." He voice was no louder than a whisper but it felt like a bomb to the others.

"She tried to take away his dream, everything he's worked for." CC continued, hand gripping Anna's.

"Family of Andrew Biersack." All 6 of them turned to face a doctor walking up to them, pulling off her scrub cap and taking a deep breath. "He's defiantly a fighter. Lucky, the assaulter missed his vocal cords by a half millimetre. He lost a fair amount of blood and we did lose him twice on the table, but he pulled through. His neck will take some time to heal and unfortunately, he's fallen into a coma. We aren't certain when or if he'll wake up."

Ashely could see the doctors lips moving after that, but he couldn't hear anything, all he heard was ringing as he stared, images of Andy flashing in his mind. Andy, happy and smiling. Him and Andy happy and smiling together. He was finally putting his life back together and it was crumbling apart. His dream of being happy with Andy, with the band, taking over the world with the guys.

Nothing hurt more than seeing your dreams crumble before your eyes.


	2. I Want To Listen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy's been in a coma for two months, without him Ashley's slowly loosing his grip on reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to turn this into a multi chapter, it's gonna be short. Probably no longer than 10 chapters.

Two months. Andy had been in a coma for two months, and Ashley was slowly losing his mind. He could barely function, his insomnia was acting up again, he hit a low. He constantly forgot to take his meds and was losing weight again. 

“Andy please.” Ashley’s voice broke as he sat beside Andy’s bed. This had become routine now, stay with Andy during visiting hours and then being dragged out by one of the guys, Jinxx would force him to eat and ask if he took his meds. He still hadn’t told Jake or CC about his mental illnesses or his and Andy’s relationship, but he was pretty sure they suspected something.

He gripped Andy’s hand in his. Andy’s limp hand hung in his, he missed everything about Andy, his voice, laugh, body language, how he made everything right and clear in Ashley’s head. How Andy somehow managed to beat away the fog clouding his mind telling him he wasn't skinny enough or wasn't handsome enough to be with someone like Andy.

“Ash?” Ashley jumped at the voice, turning around in his chair to see Jinxx, Jake, and CC walk in, takeout bags in their hands. No not food, he already felt like shit, he didn't want Jinxx forcing him to eat again.

“Any change?” CC asked softly. Ashley just shook his head, the guilt he felt for causing this whole situation was eating him up on the inside, and was the main force behind him starving himself again, it was his punishment for being the cause of Andy getting hurt.

“You hungry?” Jake asked as he unpacked the food.

“No.” Ashley shook his head, “Ate before you guys got here?” He lied, the food smelt amazing and his empty stomach clenched at the though of just one bite.

“What’d you have?” Jinxx asked, it sounded like an innocent question to CC and Jake, but Ashley knew the true intentions behind it. Jinxx wanted to catch him the lie, he couldn't bring himself to look Jinxx in the eye so Jinxx already knew he was lying.

“Just eat an apple Ash, drink some water, you’ve been crying so much you’re dehydrating yourself.” Jinxx said in a softer voice.

“Not hungry.” Ashley mumbled, keeping his head down, reaching out and lacing his fingers with Andy’s, trying to use the comatose singer to ground himself.

“Ash, you’re looking thinner.” CC said with concern. Ashley had never been the skinniest of the band, he always had a fair bit of muscle on him, but it looked like he had lost some of that too.

Good, you’re losing what you put on. This is good. 

The voices were back and they terrified Ashley, he was back to where he began, Andy was his rock, without Andy he’d spiral.

“Ashley you need to eat.” Jinxx said a little more firmly, walking up to Ashley and handing him an apple. “You made me promise to do this, remember? You said even if you said you weren't hungry to force you to eat at least something.” Jinxx recited when Ashley had told him two months ago.

Ashley bit his lip, it wasn't right to ask that of Jinxx, he was difficult when he didn't want to eat, Andy could usually pursued him with a kiss and cuddles but Jinxx wouldn't do that with him. He sighed, mind going to Andy, Andy would want him to eat. Andy would hold him as he slowly ate a yogurt, a fruit smoothie, anything that was small but also loaded with nutrients.

“Okay.” He relented, grabbing the apple and taking a bite out of it, almost moaning at the sweet taste of it. He slowly chewed it and swallowed, feeling like a failure and success at the same time. He sighed again, dropping his head and running his free hand though his hair.

“You okay Ash?” Ashley looked up hearing CC ask the question, worry clear in his eyes. Jake was staring at Jinxx with a questioning look. Jinxx was eyeing Ashley, his face impassive but Ashley could feel the energy radiating off him.

‘Tell them’

Ashley let out another sigh, “I have anorexia.” He mumbled. Not daring to meet his bandmates eyes. He felt someone’s hand on his shoulder, he looked up seeing Jinxx with a small smile on his face. 

“We’ve got you Ash.” Ashley weakly smiled back, “Thanks.”

“Ash, if you don't mind me asking. When did you start not eating?” CC asked softly.

“Midway through Church of the Wild Ones tour.” Ashley mumbled, he hated speaking about what caused him to stop eating, how it quickly spiralled out of control, but the guys were his brothers. His family, they deserved to know. 

“Can we ask why?” Jinxx questioned, Ashley had never told him the too cause of his eating disorder, he just knew Ashley had it.

“There’s a lot of whys.” Ashley sighed running a hand through his hair, blowing his bangs out of his face. He looked up to see three questioning faces, taking that as a sign to continue he sighed and launched into the explanation.

“It started accidentally, we were so busy on tour I just forgot to eat sometimes, yeah I drank water during shows and partied at night, but sometimes I ended up going days without something solid to eat. that was around the time where I sobered up a bit, you know not drinking into a black out after every show.” He sighed, looking up and seeing the three guys nod.

“I forgot what happens when I sober, that my depression and anxiety start acting up. That’s why I used to drink so much, booze were cheaper than meds, and they dulled my emotions, so I wouldn't feel them.” Ashley mumbled. “So when I stopped drinking everything came back at full force, the depression quickly morphed into body dysmorphia when mixed with the fans criticism of me. I know it never bothered me before but I was in a low and it just hit me for some reason. That’s when I purposely avoided meals, only ate small snacks so I could sustain myself on stage and during interviews. That’s also when I started taking longer to strip layers during shows, I wasn't confidant in my body.” Ashley sighed, still playing with his hair, a long time nervous tick, he was fighting back tears now, he remembered feeling that low and he was scared it was coming back since Andy got hurt.

“How’s your eating now?” Jake questioned softly.

“Better, I try to eat at least 2 meals a day with snacks in between. Some days are good, others not so much.” Ashley sighed taking another bite of the apple and chewing slowly before swallowing. “I know to ignore the voices in my head telling me not to eat and start obsessing over numbers again, but sometimes they’re too fucking loud.” He mumbled the last bit, head dropping as tears dripped down his face. 

“They’re so loud and sometimes I want to listen to them again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all for now folks, I'll attempt to update this soon and bring some happiness to the angsty story.


	3. I Listened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashley's falling and he doesn't know if anyone can catch him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another instalment from the angst queen (what my friend has dubbed me due to my tendency to torture characters and leave chapters on cliffhangers)

Ashley sighed leaning against the counter of the bathroom in Andy’s hospital room, it’d been two weeks since he told CC and Jake about how fucked up he really was and they were helping along with Jinxx to get him to eat. He hated it, he hated every piece of food he put in his mouth and was forced to swallow, he was back to counting calories, back to obsession over numbers, back to being under 120lbs, and the part that he hated the most. He was happy about it, happy he was losing weight, happy to see the number on the scale go down. He had given into the voices and started listening again, they were literally screaming at him, how could he not listen?

He took a deep breath trying to even out his breathing so he wouldn't have a panic attack, the guys would be back soon with food. He would have to eat again and he'd feel like a failure. He choked up a sob as tears pricked his eyes. He fallen back into the same place he was in 2013, he was lower than ever before, the pain of possibly losing Andy and the guilt of being the cause of Andy getting hurt was eating him alive and had tossed him down the hole of depression and self hatred. He gripped the counted as the tears fell, quick shorts breaths coming out as his panic attack started to worsen, this was going to be a bad one, he had forgotten to take his meds.

“Ashley?” Ashley’s head shot up and he stared at the door, he couldn't do this now, he couldn't try to eat while in this state. He’d refuse and then he and the guys would end up in a fight and it’d just get too messy for him to handle, he hated him and the guys fighting, he hated tension in the band. It reminded him too much of his old bands, which didn't stay together because of clashing personalities.

“Ashley come on open up I know you’re in there.” The person knocked on the door, Ashley took a deep breath, trying to calm his breathing as he reached over and unlocked the door, letting whoever was outside in. He kept his head down as the person entered the bathroom.

“Ash…” Jinxx’s soft voice sounded like a scream to Ashley.

“I can’t Jinxx, please don’t make me eat, not right now.” Ashley begged him. Body shaking as he tried to catch his breath.

“I wont make you eat Ash.” Jinxx said gently, walking over and rubbing Ashley’s back trying to calm his down. He frowned when he felt Ashely spine though his thin t-shirt.

“You’re losing a lot of weight Ash.” Jinxx frowned in concern for his friend.

“Good.” Ashely mumbled before he could stop himself before letting out a scream of frustration and slamming his fist on the counter “Dammit!”

Jinxx jumped back at Ashley’s sudden outburst.

“Jinxx, I want to get better, I want to eat, but my fucking mind it making me hate everything to do with food, it’s making me obsess over pounds and calories and I don't want to. I can’t fucking stop it.” Ashely was crumbling now, tears streaming down his face as his chest heaved with heavy sobs. “I can’t, I fucking can’t” His body was shaking as he pressed his hands into his face as the tears ran faster.

Jinxx stepped forward and caught Ashley just in time before he knees went out from under him, he sat them down and held Ashley close. “We’re here to help you Ash, Jake, CC, and I. We’re here to try to help you forget about that, to ignore those voices screaming at you, because they’re screaming lies. We’re here as temporary replacements for Andy. And soon you won’t need Andy, because he, and us will help you see how amazing you really are Ash, how you’ve honestly made me question my sexuality more than once.” He grinned when her heard a broken snort from the sobbing bassist.

“We’re here as your family Ashely, we’re here for the brother that we love like he’s our own blood.” Jinxx finished holding Ashely close as his sobs started to slow.

“Thank you.” His voice cracked, “That you for helping me, I know I’ve been difficult.”

“I didn't expect it to be easy Ashley, none of us do. I know Andy’s your rock at the moment, that he’s the one you go to for anything, but right now you have to find the strength within yourself to make it though this, with us helping you along the way. It’s okay to have a rock Ash, but you can’t rely on Andy 100% of the time.” Jinxx said softly, running his hands though Ashley’s hair, trying to detangle it and smooth it out.

“I know.” Ashely mumbled softly, “I’m trying to not rely on Andy that much, but he’s always been there for me, but now, now I’m fucking lost without him. I don't know how to function, I’ve gone back to not eating, I’ve gone back to forgetting my meds. I’ve gone back to all my self destructive habits and I can’t pull myself from them like he could.” Ashely whimpered as more tears leaked down his cheeks.

“I know it’s going to be hard, and I’m not asking you to be completely 100% healthy over night, let’s start with small steps now like small snacks throughout the day as opposed to big meals which might intimidate you. How’s that sound for a start?”

“Pretty good.” Ashely mumbled pulling back from Jinxx’s hug and leaning against the bathroom cabinets so he and Jinxx were facing each other.

“You can do that?” Jinxx asked softly

“Honestly I have no idea, but right now, when I’m semi-coherent I’m saying I’ll try. I can’t promise anything when I’m in an ever lower low or in a panic attack.” Ashley mumbled scratching at his arms, an old habit he had due to his anxiety.

“Ash.” Jinxx leaned forward and grabbed his hands. “Ash we care about you, we know we’ll never be able to fully understand what goes on in your head. But we’re willing to be there for you through thick and thin, you’re our brother, our family, and we’re not going to let you suffer alone.” He said softly hugging Ashley gently.

“Thank you Jinxx.” Ashley mumbled leaning into him, “I can’t do this alone. I know I’m not supposed to rely on people but I can’t do this alone, not right now. Not without my family. All my family.” He mumbled burring his head in the crook of Jinxx’s neck tears rolling down his his cheeks again.

“Do it for Andy Ash, so you’re healthy for when he wakes back up, so you can take care of him and help him through the aftermath of what Juliet did to him.” Jinxx said gently, rubbing circles on Ashley back.

“I’ll do my best.” Ashely mumbled, “I’ll try.”

“You’d do it for Andy?” Jinxx asked softly.

“I’d do anything for Andy, Jinxx” Ashely sighed softly, taking a deep breathe to try to calm his nerves for what he was about to admit. “I’m in love with him Jinxx, goddammit Jinxx I’m so in love with him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all for now, sorry for all the feels in this story.
> 
> (I'm not actually sorry)


	4. I'm Trying, I'm Really Trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashley's trying his best to bring himself into recovery again, but it's harder than he thought. Especially when alone and surrounded by those who've never dealt with someone with an eating disorder before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I've returned with another chapter, and I'd like to apologize in advance for then ending.
> 
> Enjoy reading!

Jinxx stared at Ashley, taking a second to register what he just said. Ashley frowned and shrunk away, Jinxx had still never really voice his opinion of his and Andy’s relationship so he didn't know how he felt about it.

“Ash, I’m happy for you, I really am.” Jinxx said softly, “You’ve never had luck in relationships but I’m happy you’ve found someone who makes you happy and cares about you. I’m also really glad it’s Andy, because I now know I don't have to threaten them.” Jinxx laughed lightly, smiling when he saw Ashley blush lightly.

“I never even knew I was attracted to guys before that drunken night we had together, maybe I was just scared to admit I’m bi, because looking back on it I know I’ve had feelings for other guys, I just buried them. I created this sex loving persona in the early days and since then that’s all the fans see, Ashley Purdy, the serial whore.” He sighed.

“You slept around Ash, I’m not gonna sugar coat that, but what’s wrong with that? You’re a grown man for fucks sake, it was always consensual, the girls were never underage, and you used a condom. Yes you were a whore, but there was nothing wrong with that.” Jinxx smiled lightly.

“Thanks Jinxx.” Ashley smiled lightly.

“I’m just telling the truth Ash.” Jinxx smiled lightly, “Now common, Jake and CC should be back soon with food, think you eat a little bit?” He asked pushing himself off the floor and holding a hand out for Ashley.

“I dunno, maybe.” Ashley mumbled, accepting Jinxx’s hand and letting Jinxx pull him up.

“We’re going down to the hospital cafeteria, you’ve been stuck in this room for too long Ash, you need to get out.” Jinxx said grabbing his jacket.

Ashley froze when Jinxx said that. “Jinxx, I-I can’t just leave him. Not like this.” Ashley panicked staring at Andy’s unmoving body.

“He’ll be okay Ash, the nurses with look after him and they’ll call us if anything changes.” Jinxx soothed Ashley not wanting him to go into another panic attack. “Just for a half hour, then we’ll come back up here.” He bargained.

“I-Okay.” Ashley relented, knowing deep down that some fresh air would help clear his mind.

“Okay, then let’s go.” Jinxx said turning to lead Ashley out of the hospital room.

“Wait.” Ashley said, walking over to his bag that he had brought with him to the hospital considering he was practically sleeping over there now. He dug through his bag, grabbing three orange perception pill bottles.

“Good idea.” Jinxx nodded, glad that Ashley had remembered his meds. Ashley smiled back faintly, standing up and walking next to Andy’s bedside, he leaned down and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead squeezing his hand lightly.

“Ash.” Jinxx prodded softly, “The guys are probably waiting.”

“Okay.” Ashley sighed, giving Andy’s unconscious body one more longing look before following Jinxx out the door, letting it softly click shut behind him.  
__________________________________________________________

“Well finally.” CC laughed when Jinxx and Ashley walked up to the table he and Jake had managed to grab.

“What took you guys so long?” Jake questioned, already halfway done his sushi.

“I had a panic attack.” Ashley admitted, hanging his head in shame, grabbing a bottle of water that CC had brought and started taking his meds.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of Ash.” CC said, frowning slightly. Ever since Ashley had opened up to them about his mental illnesses he stopped faking happiness about them, don't get him wrong he was thrilled Ashley trusted him enough to share his personal stuff with him, but he did miss the old Ashley from time to time, he just had to remind himself that the old Ashley was just an Ashley that the real Ashley had created as a cover to distract people from seeing how he was struggling.

“What it was about?” Jake questioned, staring at the amount of pill bottles Ashley had, it still baffled him that Ashley had to take all these just to remain sane enough so he wouldn't go into a panic attack or into a depression low.

“I, uh, it’s kinda hard to talk about.” Ashley mumbled, playing with on of the rings he was wearing.

“Was it about eating?” CC questioned softly, putting his fork down and turning all attention to Ashley.

“Yeah.” Ashley relented with a deep sigh, “The voices telling me to not eat have been getting louder, and I’ve started counting calories and pounds again.” He mumbled. “I want to eat, I really do, but I just can’t.” Ashley sighed eyes glued to the Harley Davidson ring he was playing with.

“Ash we und-”

“Have you tried just eating and not listening to them?” Jake questioned with genuine curiosity. Cutting Jinxx off, earring a glare from Jinxx and CC.

“Jake, it’s not as easy as it seems, even eating right now would have me screaming at myself for being a failure and my mind would immediately start counting the calories and make me feel like shit for every single one.” Ashley did his best to explain, knowing that Jake and the others didn't fully know eating disorders like he or Andy did.

“Have you even tried eating?” Jake prodded further.

“Yes Jake, trust me I’ve tried everth-”

“Because you’re starting to sound like one of those bitchy girls who are only anorexic for attention and make no effort to try to gain weight and be healthy. I mean look at you Ash, you’re already lost like 40 pounds since Andy’s gone into a coma.” Jake huffed in frustration.

Ashley stared at Jake, wide eyed, tears pooling. That’s how one of his best friends saw him, one of his brothers. The bitchy anorexic who wasn't trying to get back into recovery.

“I’m going back to Andy’s room.” He mumbled grabbing his things before quickly walking off, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his sweatshirt, leaving Jinxx and CC glaring at Jake.  
__________________________________________________________

Ashley quickly walked back to Andy’s room, struggling to hold back tears the entire time.

As soon as he was back in the room he closed the door, leaning against it letting the tears run. He was trying so hard to get back to where he used to be, to be happy with himself again, but it was so fucking hard. He was dependant on support to help him recover, and now Jake saw his as some person faking recovery to gain sympathy and attention.

He sniffled as he walked over to Andy’s side. Grabbing his hand and squeezing it.

“Andy, I’m trying. Baby I’m trying so hard, but I can’t, I can’t do it without you.” His voice shook as sobs rack his chest. “I know I can’t rely on you for recovery Ands but please baby, please wake up. You know how to make me eat, you know how to help me, you know my eating disorder better than I do, you know me better than I do.” He leaned against the hospital bed to stop himself from collapsing. “I want to get better baby, I really do, but I can’t do it alone. Andy please, I love you. I need you to hear me say that. I love you Andy, fuck I love you so much.” He was shaking now tears pouring down his face. Hand squeezing Andy’s trying to ground himself, he froze when he felt something he wasn't expecting.

Andy squeezed back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if I made you hate Jake, don't worry he and Ashley will have a chat later on about his actions.
> 
> Besides that, Andy squeezed Ashley's hand, what could that mean? He's been in a coma for almost 3 months, will he wake up all there? Or will there be more obstacles for him to overcome?


	5. Wake The Fuck Up!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy's been in a coma for almost 3 months, and he's finally coming to, but with what implications?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me, on a roll with updates again. Here's the latest instalment, it's mostly Andy centred since the poor guy has been comatose for the entire story.

Pain. That was the first thing Andy felt, pain. His neck was burning and he had something down his throat. He felt like he was choking, he was dead. That was the only conclusion, bone chilling silence surrounded him as he laid there in pain and tried to force his eyes open.

Where was he? Hospital most likely, but what had happened? What put him in the hospital this time? He didn't remember doing something stupid during a concert, hell they were on break. He internally winced when his fogged memory started to clear and he remembered the events that put him in the hospital.  
______________________________________________________

Andy sighed when he quietly unlocked the door to his and Juliet’s house. He had spent the night at Ashley’s, he told her they were working on lyrics and concepts for the new album, and they did to an extent. Although that wasn't the driving force for him visiting the bassist, Ashley had taken him out on an amazing date. It was the first time in months where he actually enjoyed a date night. He sighed again as he pushed the door open and closed it gently behind him. He needed to divorce Juliet, she wasn't good for him. She tried to isolate him from his friends, his bandmates, his family. Every chance she got she attempted to, manipulate him, and when that didn't work he usually ended up with a slap to the face, or a backhand. The backhands were worse, because her wedding ring usually caught skin and left him bleeding.

“Andy!” He only just stopped himself from flinching at her voice, speak of the devil and she shall appear.

“Hey babe.” He managed to muster a smiled, already wishing he was back at Ashley’s.

“How’s writing going?” She questioned, walking up to him and going on her toes for a kiss. Andy quickly pecked her lips before backing away and walking around her so he could throw his over night bag on the couch.

“Good.” He smiled, “Ash and I made some really good process last night.” He grinned, they had talked about concepts and this record already felt like a Black Veil one and they had barely started on it.

“Wanna celebrate is baby?” Juliet asked, strutting up to him, heels clicking on the hardwood floor as she pressed again Andy’s chest, hand ghosting down to his crotch.

“Maybe later love, I didn't get much sleep last night. We were up pretty late working on stuff.” Andy smiled softly, he was right about being up late, although he had fibbed the reason. He and Ashley were doing something much more physical and fun compared to song writing and album concepting.

“But Andy.” Juliet whined, Andy just barely stopping himself from rolling his eyes. “We haven't had sex in almost a month and I want you.” She pouted, batting her heavily mascaraed lashes, trying to entice him.

Andy bit his lip, either say no and risk a screaming match, or just get it over with and fuck her. He went with the latter option because he’d rather not have Ashley come over and see his bruised face. He smirked, leaning down and kissing her neck, his mind already replacing her image with Ashley. “I want you too baby.” He purred into her ear, nibbling her earlobe lightly, causing her to moan loudly.

He yelped when he felt Juliet grab his jacket lapels and yank him onto the couch quiet harshly, he groaned when he felt the back of his head his the arm of the couch. Juliet didn't even notice as she pushed his jacket off and was already attempting to pull his shirt off. He pushed himself up so she could pull his shirt from him. She quickly and frantically kissed down his chest. She undid his belt, quickly pulled his pants and underwear down in one go.

Sitting up herself and pulling her shirt off and tossing her bra to the side. Leaning back down to start trailing her lips down his chest. He laid back staring at the ceiling as she continued to kiss down his torso, soon reaching his hips, he felt her freeze and pull away.

“Andrew?” Her tone was cold and icy.

“Yeah babe?” He asked confused propping himself up on his elbows to look at her.

“What is that on your hip?” She questioned, glaring at him.

“What’s what?” He question, pushing himself up more and paling, there was a dark purple hickie on his hip. Ashley must’ve gotten carried away last night.

“I…I don’t know.” He gulped, he knew, hell he was replying memories of last night just to get himself in the mood.

“That’s a fucking hickie!” Juliet screeched getting off his lap. Andy quickly jumped up pulling up his pants and sitting up.

“Jules I-”

“You’re fucking cheating on me! You slept with some whore! That’s what you were doing at Ashley’s last night weren't you, he brought over some of his whores and you fucked one of them!” Juliet screamed at him.

“Juliet I-” He sighed, “Yeah.” He mumbled, her thinking he had slept with one of Ashley’s old fuck buddies was better than her knowing that it was actually Ashley he slept with.

“You fucking cheated on me!” She glared at him, Andy saw something flicker across he eyes as she stormed off to the kitchen. Andy sighed pushing his hair back, knowing now was probably the best time to bring up that he wanted a divorce.

“Well Andrew.” He looked up seeing Juliet strutting towards him a sinister look in her face. “If I can’t have you, then you can have your career.” She smiled sadistically at him as she felt up the butchers knife she was holding.

“Juliet what the hell?” He panicked and tried to get away from her, he yelped when she smacked him, his head colliding with the wall causing his vision to spin.

“Say goodbye to your voice Andrew.” She sneered as she drove the knife into his neck and he let out a scream of agony before his vision faded to black, all he felt was warm liquid pouring from his neck.

Juliet had tried to kill him, after she saw the hickie Ashley had left on his hip, he hoped Ashley didn't blame himself, he hoped Ashley was doing okay and that his mental state was stable. He knew he was Ashley’s rock, he knew Ashley depended on him, he was doing his best to make Ashley less dependant on him, and Ashley was trying as well, but it was a longer and harder process than either of them expected.   
______________________________________________________

Come on Biersack, wake up so you came make sure Ashley’s okay. Just wake up. Wake the fuck up!

He coughed against whatever was him his mouth and he felt a hand grip his. His instincts told him it was Ashley’s. He forced his eyes open, wincing at the bright florissant lights of the hospital room. The bright light was suddenly blocked by a figure, as he vision cleared he quickly recognized the figure of Ashley.

He sighed in relief, Ashley had found him and gotten him to the hospital before he died. Ashley had saved him from Juliet yet again. He was so grateful for Ashley, he was falling in love with the man, he knew it for sure. The only issue was, did he feel the same way? Did his almost, sorta, kinda not really boyfriend love him back?

He could care less about that now, he was alive and with Ashley, hopefully Juliet would get what was coming to her for doing this to him. Right now life was perfect, well as perfect as life could be when your wife almost murders you after finding out you had been having a committed affair with your longtime band mate and best friend. 

He blinked when he noticed Ashley waving his hand in front of his face. He was so lost in thought he hadn’t heard what Ashley was saying to him. He watched again as Ashley spoke, he frowned in confusion as Ashley’s lips moved but no words came out. The deafening silence became apparent to him again. 

Maybe life wasn’t so perfect after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Duh duh duuuuuuuuuuh!!!!!
> 
> Feel free to yell at me in the comments.


	6. Silence is Deafening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy's awake but he's not all there, he's missing a vital part of himself that could spell disaster for the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back, hope I'm not gonna be murdered for that cliffhanger I left you on, and if you didn't know. I have a new fic out called Devil in the Details, it's and Ashley centric fic but it not Andley.
> 
> Anyway, thanks so much for reading and onto the chapter.

Ashley stared at Andy, he just felt him squeeze back. He hadn’t been imagining it right?

“Andy, Andy baby can you hear me?” He questioned, leaning closer and cupping Andy’s face. “Wake up Andy, come on wake up.” He watched as Andy’s face twitch and he coughed against the breathing tube and his eyes blink open. Ashley quickly pressed the call button for the doctor before going back to Andy’s side.

“Andy, you’re okay.” He said softly, gripping his hand, “You’re okay, I found you.” He could cry in happiness, Andy was awake, Andy was back.

He frowned, noticing a Andy was looking at him but there was a glaze over his eyes, telling him that Andy’s was lost in thought.

“Andy, babe?” He questioned waving his hand in front of Andy’s face, smiling when he saw Andy blink and his eyes focus back on him.

“How’re you feeling?” He questioned softly. He stared in confusion when he saw Andy’s eyebrows furrow together. “Babe can you hear me?” He questioned, watching as Andy still stared at him, looking confused. He frowned, quickly pulling out his phone and opening notes, fingers flying over the keyboard before showing Andy his phone with his question typed out. Andy read it and shook his head slightly, eyes showing panic.

Ashley felt his heart shred, Andy couldn't hear him, Andy was deaf. He hoped to whatever god every single religion believed in that this was temporary, not just for his sake but for Andy’s, Andy would deteriorate if he wouldn't be able to perform.

He quickly grabbed Andy’s hand squeezing tight to let him know he was still there, while typing out on his phone again.

_I called the doctor, you’ve been in a coma for the past 3 months._

He showed it to Andy and watched as Andy’s eyebrows raised in surprise. He watched as Andy’s crystal blue eyes ran over his body and he could feel himself becoming self conscious, he knew he visibly looked skinnier. Andy grabbed the phone from his hand and started writing his own message down, passing it back over to Ashley when he was finished.

_Have you been eating? Taking your meds?_

Ashley swallowed nervously, eyes flicking back to Andy’s knowing Andy could see the fear and shame in his eyes, already giving him an answer. He slowly typed out his response and handed his back to Andy, noticing Andy’s gaze lingering on his wrist. Andy scanned the message face twisting in a mix of anger and sadness.

_I’ve been trying to, but I’ve fallen back into my old habits. I forget my meds most of the time too._

Andy was quick to respond, wanting as much information as possible as quickly as possible, but it was difficult when they could only communicate though a word document on Ashley’s phone. Ashley took the phone back, looking back at the door o Andy’s room, wondering where the hell the doctor was. He turned back to Andy’s message and felt his stomach drop.

_How much have you lost?_

That simple question put his mind into overdrive again, his mind quickly obsessing over the numbers, what he lost, how many calories he consumed, what he started at, what he wanted to finish at. He knew it was all bullshit because he knew that even if he reached his so called ‘goal’ that wouldn't be enough, his mind would make him lose more, wear him down to nothing. Till he was so malnourished he’d end up in the hospital just like Andy right now. With a shakey hand he typed out the number he lost and handed it back to Andy hanging his head in shame.

_76 lbs._

He kept his head down as he heard Andy madly tapping away at the keyboard, not being able to bring himself to face Andy, after Andy had done so much for him to help into recovery he was back in the same position when they first started, granted when they first started he weighed less and his mental state was in shambles, so he was just a bit better than how he was when Andy initially set out to get him back to a healthy weight.

He looked up when he felt Andy nudge him, concern lacing his features as he held out the phone for Ashley to take. With a shakey hand Ashley took the phone back, slowly reading the message Andy had typed out.

_Ashley, I’m not mad and I’m not disappointed. I completely understand why you went back, you were under so much stress and emotional turmoil over me being hurt you subconsciously fell back to your old ways for a sense of normality, for a sense of control._

_But I’m back now, granted I’m panicking because I can’t hear and I don't know what this means for the future of BVB I want you happy and healthy first and foremost. There’s no doubt I’m gonna be visiting the hospital a lot when healing from this, and I’m gonna have some trauma of my own after what Juliet did to me. I have an idea, when I’m back here for checkups and appointments, you start seeing your therapist again, you clearly need it. I don't want to risk you getting so bad they recommend sending you to a treatment centre again. I know I can help you but I can’t do it on my own, you have to try to help yourself too, fight those voices in your head like you did before._

Ashley felt tears well up as he smiled at Andy, he always knew what to say to give Ashley hope or make him smile. He sniffled wiping away his tears so Andy wouldn't have to see him cry. He felt Andy squeeze his hand, this prompting him to look up seeing Andy staring at him, eyes shining with unshed tears. He was gripping Ashley’s hand tightly, afraid to let him go, that if he let Ashley go Ashley would succumb to his mental illnesses, slowly waste away into the shell of the man he used to be. Anxiety ridden to the point of madness, nothing but a man obsessed with calories and pounds, he always feared what would’ve happened if he hadn’t found out about Ashley’s eating disorder sooner, how bad Ashley could’ve gotten, he was so malnourished at the time of Andy finding out he could barely stay conscious for 6 hours straight, how long would it have been before he collapsed during a show, how long till he collapsed and never woke up?

Andy was pulled from his thoughts when he felt Ashley’s hand pull away from his, eyes shifting to Ashley, seeing he was looking at the door to the hospital room, seeing Jinxx, Jake, and CC standing there, huge grins on their faces, behind them what looked to be a nurse and doctor maybe.

He swallowed nervously around the tube in his throat, watching as the doctor walked up and examined him, seeing Ashley talking, hands flying as he spoke. That man could never sit still. He was most likely telling the doctor about Andy’s inability to hear. Andy only hoped that this was something common for something in a situation like him, and that it wasn't permit, if it was, it may spell the end for Black Veil Brides. Forever.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for now, what do you think caused Andy's loss of hearing? Will is be permit? Will Ashley be able to pull himself into recovery with the help of friends and family so he can be there for Andy? Find out when I eventually update again.


	7. Freedom

Ashley smiled softly, watching as the doctor ran though his finally tests checking over Andy’s chart one last time before turning to him.

“Your friend is good to go, he’s staying with you right?” Dr. Barnes asked.

“Yeah, until he’s recovered and mentally stable.” Ashley nodded.

“Good, he’ll need all the support he can get, not to mention divorce papers.” Dr. Barnes said raising an eyebrow, knowing abused spouses typically defended their abuser, even after attempted murder.

“I’m already on it, she’ll never get her hands on his again.” Ashley said confidently.

“Good, here’s all the information you’ll need about if things develop, don't hesitate to call or come back if you suspect something it wrong.” Dr. Barnes said handing Ashley a file, “There’s also a print out of all the information if he wants to read over it.”

“Thank you doctor.” Ashley smiled gently, finally feeling relieved that after 3 months in the hospital he was getting to take Andy home, 3 days after he had woken up and the doctors determined his deafness was a result of the oxygen being cut off from his brain, and over time, he would hopefully make a full recovery, hearing and all.

“Also, I know it’s not my place but, do you by any chance suffer from an eating disorder?” Dr. Barnes asked, face softening and eyes filling with pity. Ashley swallowed nervously, he knew he was significantly thinner that when he first came to the hospital, he talked with Barnes daily, no shit he wouldn't notice.

“Yeah, but I’m working on it, seeing Andy like this just set me back.” Ashley mumbled.

“Do you have a therapist?”

“I do, I stopped going after I got on my meds and managed to force myself into recovery, but I’m already made an appointment for next week, it’s with Dr. Mills.” Ashley sighed, looking down. He hated that he got so bad that he had to go back to therapy, but it was his best chance at not getting sent to a treatment centre.

“One of our best, I’m sure both of you will work out a strategy to help you through this.” Dr. Barnes smiled gently.

“We have before and we will again, can I get the release forms, he’s not a big fan of hospitals.” Ashley nodded over to Andy, wanting to get out of the conversation about his own issues.

“Of course, I’ll be right back. You can give him his stuff so you can leave as soon as the forms are signed.” Dr. Barnes nodded before walking out of the room.

Ashley sighed, walking over to Andy’s bed and flashing him a small smile before putting the small backpack he brought with him on the chair beside the bed, pulling out his phone and opening the word document he and Andy had been typing over for the past 3 days.

I brought you some extra clothes, CC and Jinxx moved all your stuff to my place so we’re all set, Crow and Daredevil miss you by the way.

Ashley noticed Andy’s smile get a little wider at the mention of his animals, they were like his children, watching as he typed out his response Ashley dug through the bag, pulling out a hairbrush and sitting next to Andy, starting to gently detangle Andy’s knotted hair that hadn’t been touched since the attack because of all the machines he was hooked up to. He smiled when he felt Andy relax into his touch as he continued brushing out Andy’s still considerably short hair, but he was growing it out. Ashley softly kissed the top of Andy’s head, loving the small moments they got together and couldn't want to get back to his place so they could be alone.

He looked up when Andy nudged him and handed his phone back.

Thanks Ash, I can’t wait to get out of here and be back at yours. Are Crow and Daredevil alright? Shit how are Daredevil and I gonna interact if he’s blind and I’m deaf? Also that feels really nice thank you.

Ashley quickly typed back as he got off the bed and put the brush away.

He’ll recognize your scent and you’ll be able to see him, you two will be okay. You should get changed, Dr. Barnes will be back with your release forms soon.

Ashley showed the phone to Andy before holding up the backpack, Andy smiled gratefully and took the bag from Ashley and headed into the small bathroom connected to the hospital room.

Ashley turned on his heel when he heard the door to the room opening, seeing Dr. Barnes walk in with yet another clipboard and form for him and Andy to sign.

“Just sign here.” Barnes indicated to a dotted line on the last sheet in the stack of paper. He handed the pen back and turned when he heard Andy walk out of the bathroom, in a simple pair of black skinny jeans torn at the knee and one of their tour t-shirts that Andy had cut up himself while they were on said tour, his signature leather jacked was folded over his arm as he walked over to Ashley and Dr. Barnes, making the assumption that these were his release forms. He quickly ready the first important bit before signing it and seeing Dr. Barnes telling Ashley something before Ashley turned to him and smiled, taking his arm and nodding his head in the direction of the door, an indication of “You’re finally free, let’s go home.”

The pair made their way through the winding halls of the hospital before their made it to the parking lot and climbed into Ashley’s car. Andy leaned back against the leather seats as Ashley started the ignition and pulled out of the parking space, making his way out of the parking lot and onto the main roads. Andy pulled out his phone knowing it was going to be a fairly long ride to Ashley’s place due to LA traffic. He went into his messages app and opened the group chat he had with the rest of the band, wanting to let the guys know he was finally free.

_Finally out, Ash and I are on our way back to his place now. Thanks for all the support guys_

Jinxx was the first to respond to the text, his response short and to the point.

_Glad you’re okay dude, and that you have someone to look after you for the next few months_.

Jinxx’s message was soon followed by Jake’s.

_We should go out and celebrate you being out of the hospital and okay!_

CC’s addition came after Jake’s and in response to his.

_Totally! Great idea Pitts! We should go to dinner, there’s this great new Italian place that opened downtown. Anna and I went 2 nights ago and it’s fucking amazing._

Jinxx and Jake’s responses were almost instant.

_Jinxx: Sounds good, I’m down._

_Jake: Haven’t had Italian in forever sounds great Chuppy_

Andy responded after the guitarists, he was also in the meal for a good night out with friends.

_Sounds great, what time are we meeting up?_

He looked up from his phone when he felt the slight hum of the car stop, they were in the basement of Ashley’s building. He smiled, the ride had been shorter than he expected, he and Ashley climbed out of the car and made their way to the elevator that would take them up to Ashley’s penthouse suite of the building.

Ashley unlocked the door, pushing it open and letting Andy in before kicking it shut and locking it behind him, tossing his keys on the small coat rack he kept next to the door. He slid his boots off and smiled when he saw Andy already sitting on the floor, nuzzling Crow and petting Daredevil. He pulled out his phone and read over the messages Andy and the others had sent and immediately felt his heart drop.

Not a restaurant, not eating in public, anything but that.


	8. Dinner Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this got too angsty, it's been a rough night for me.

Ashley shifted uncomfortably in the booth at the restaurant, his anxiety had been through the roof the second he and Andy left his place on their way here. He did not want to be here. He’d rather be at home, with Andy, curled up and watching a movie. It would probably end with Andy coxing him into having a few handfuls of popcorn but he’d be more willing to eat in that setting opposed to this. Stuck in the middle of a crowded restaurant with his bandmates staring at him as he scanned the menu.

His taste buds and stomach were saying chicken ravioli, but his mental illness was saying a plain salad or better yet, nothing at all.

“Hello, my name is Adam and I’ll be your server for the evening.” Ashley looked up when their server introduced himself and his stomach dropped even farther, it was getting that much closer to having to order food. “I’ll start you off with drinks and appetizers.”

He turned to Andy who was still staring at his menu and suddenly all of Ashley’s worries about eating vanished as his concern for Andy grew. “Can you give us a minute, he’s deaf.” Ashley politely asked Adam who only nodded and turned to the other guys.

Ashley pulled out the pad of paper he had brought with him and the pen quickly scribbling down a note before sliding it over to Andy.

_Server’s here, drinks and appetizers first. Write down what you want specifically and we’ll just give him the page._

Andy looked up and nodded before writing down his preferred drink and the appetizer he had chosen on a separate page of the notebook and tearing it out, handing it to Adam with a small smile before Adam turned to Ashley.

“And what can I get you?” He questioned.

“Uh, I’ll just go with a water and no appetizer.” Ashley said quickly as his fears of eating came back at full force.

“You sure?” Adam questioned.

“Yeah, I’m driving tonight and I’m not that hungry.” He mumbled, aware of his band members staring at him during this.

“Okay.” Adam smiled, making sure he had their orders correct before heading off to the kitchen.

“Dude? What in the actual fuck was that?” Jake nearly yelled at Ashley who winced and shrunk back into his seat.

“You know damned well that you’re hungry, look at you Purdy you’re starving yourself, you’ve lost what 70 pounds? Isn't that enough for you? Isn't that enough for your brain to go ‘oh I’m skinny enough, better get over this bullshit and fucking eat again’!” Jake was near yelling at Ashley who was staring back in shock, visibly shaking as he tried to control his emotions.

“Jake, shut the hell up. Right now.” Jinxx stared down his fellow guitarist, murder in his eyes as CC watched Ashley’s resolve start to crumble and tears start to leak down his face.

He sniffled at he tried to dry his tears and grabbed the notepad, scribbling down a quick sloppy message before sliding it to Andy

_Bathroom, move please._

Andy nodded and got up, as soon as he cleared the booth Ashley was out of his seat and making his way towards the rest rooms, head down as he tried to hide his tears. He made detour and exited the restaurant, walking around the building and into the small alleyway between it and the next, he leaned against the brick before sliding down and bringing his knees to his chest, resting his forehead against his knees as the sobs started coming. He couldn't stop them as tears flowed and his body shook violently as he cried, Jake didn't understand what he was going through, what his mind was telling him. How his mind was tearing him apart from the inside out, he wanted to get better, he wished just eating would fix this but it wouldn’t, he wanted an easy fix, an easy way out.

He hiccuped as he brought his head up and rested it against the brick wall, looking down at his arms he traced the crease of his elbow.

_The easy way out._

He thought to himself, he hadn’t thought about it in years, but now it was calling to him more than ever. For some reason he never got rid of his old dealers phone number. He could easily get his hands on the substance that he abused in his early 20s, the stuff that nearly took his life twice, but the blissful high was what he was craving right now. The chance to just lay back and have his mind clouded over, the chance to be free from the constant torture he was going though. It was easy, it was so so easy.

Ashley jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, looking up his red rimmed eyes met Andy’s blue ones, shinning with unspoken words of concern and worry. Ashley watched as Andy sat down next to him and pulled out the notebook, scribbling down a message before handing it to Ashley.

_I know what Jake set upset you, and most likely had to do with you not eating. CC and Jinxx gave me a summary of what happened, you’re strong Ash, stronger than anyone I know. I will never understand what you go through mentally but I’m here for you as a shoulder to cry on or someone to hold you when you’re upset. You’re beautiful Ash, I really mean it. You’re absolutely stunning and I hate that your mind isn't allowing you to see that, but I’ll help you see that. That’s my promise to you Ash, I promise I’ll help you get better._

Ashley stared at Andy after reading the note, all thoughts of going back to the drugs that nearly destroyed him gone as he started at the beautiful blue eyed boy in front of him. Tears started to leak out again and Andy took this as an invitation to wrap an arm around Ashley’s shoulder and pull him in, Ashley clung to Andy as he sobbed, getting all his grief and bad thoughts out as he cried and sobbed, hyperventilating as his breathing became too rapid. He managed to calm himself when he felt Andy squeeze him tighter and start to softly run his fingers though his hair.

After 10 minutes Ashley finally managed to calm down to hiccups and small sobs as he leaned into Andy, face buried in the crook of his neck as Andy held him, gently rocking them back and forth, his hand had moved from Ashley’s hair to gently running his nails down Ashley’s arms, knowing the scratching simulation had a calming effect on Ashley after a panic attack. Ashley relaxed further into Andy when he felt Andy’s soft lips on his forehead, pressing a gently reassuring kiss down.

Ashley pulled back and took a deep breath, wiping his face in an attempt to dry the tears, making eye contact with Andy he smiled softly and nodded, as an indication he was doing okay now. Andy picked the notebook back up and wrote down a much shorter message compared to the last one.

_Ready to head back in?_

Ashley took the notepad and scribbled down his reply, still working on calming his erratic heart rate.

_Yeah, but I’m not sure if I can bring myself to order a main course._

Andy took the notebook back and Ashley watched as his face twisted in thought before he had, what Ashley called a “Andy is a genius or a complete moron” epiphany. Ashley hesitantly took the notebook back and read what Andy had written down.

_That’s okay Ash, I wasn't expecting you to. Especially in the state you’re in. I was thinking of getting the chicken ravioli with a salad on the side, would you want to just occasionally pick off of my plate if you’re feeling up to it?_

Ashley could almost start crying again, but this time they’d happy tears. He couldn't describe how grateful he was for Andy’s constant support and guidance as he fought his way though the battle of an eating disorder. He wrote down his response handing the notepad back to Andy before standing up and smoothing out his hair.

_Sounds like a plan, can’t guarantee how much I’ll eat but I’ll defiantly pick some food off. Thanks Andy, we should head back inside though, the guys will being to worry._

Andy nodded in response to what Ashley had written before the two of them made their way back into the restaurant and weaved through the crowd, Ashley leading Andy because he couldn't hear if people were coming or not. The sort of couple eventually made it back to the table and sat down. Jinxx and CC eyeing Ashley with concern while Jake was chomping down on some breadsticks.

“You okay Ash?” CC asked gently, seeing Ashley’s red and puffy eyes.

“Doing better now.” Ashley smiled softly, “Andy managed to calm me down, I’m not sure if I’m gonna be up for a full meal tonight but I might start to pick off of plates if I can force myself too.”

“Sounds like a plan Ash, anything to get you eating just a bit.” Jinxx smiled softly, he couldn't imagine what Ashley was going through with his mind telling him he wasn't good enough.

“Thanks for the support guys.” Ashley smiled softly, smile widening a little more when he felt Andy link their fingers together and squeeze his hand under the table.

The rest of dinner was like a blue for Ashley, he managed to make it through the rest of the meal without a major breakdown and picked food from Andy, CC, and Jinxx’s plates. He didn't have much, but he had more than what he would usually go for in his current mental state so he counted that as a victory. Overall he enjoyed dinner, Andy was holding up okay, he and the rest of the guys had quickly adapted to the shared notebook as a way of communicating with Andy so he wouldn't feel left out.

He and Andy bid the guys goodnight when they headed out to Ashley’s car, the two of them climbing in as Ashley started the ignition and pulled out of the parking spot, the ride back home was going to be long, driving anywhere in LA at night was a nightmare, especially this close to downtown. He pulled up to a stoplight and sighed, ready for the long drive home in basic silence, because there was no hands free way of him communicating with Andy while he was driving the two couldn't do much in the car while Andy was in this condition.

Ashley was so lost in his own thoughts and paying attention to the road he jumped when he heard his radio turn on, he turned to look at Andy who smiled sheepishly with Ashley’s phone in his hand. Andy had turned on Ashley’s bluetooth adaptor and started playing Mr. Brownstone, one of his favourite Guns N’ Roses songs. Ashley couldn't help the smile that spread across his face when he started nodded his head along to the beat and eased off the break and onto the gas as the light changed and he and Andy set off again. He knew Andy couldn't hear the music and it was probably torture to him as the songs went from Guns N’ Roses to Mötley Crüe to KISS to Queen but Andy was playing all his favourite songs, all the songs he listened to on repeat when he was down.

Andy was willing to go through the torture of not being able to hear some of his favourite songs to make Ashley feel better and that almost made Ashley start crying again, because Andy was willing to do anything to make him feel better.

After about an hour and ten minutes in the car Ashley pulled into the underground parking of his building, shutting off the ignition and climbing out, making sure Andy was okay the pair headed into the building and to the elevator. Ashley had taken their personal shared notebook, different from the one all 5 of them in the band shared, and started writing down a pretty lengthy message that took the entirety of waiting for the elevator, the ride up to Ashley’s condo penthouse suite, and another 5 minutes when they got into Ashley’s place, Andy happily distracted by the animals as Ashley finished writing. He took a deep breath and handed the notebook to Andy before leaving Andy in the living room as he headed to the kitchen to grab the both the puppy and kitty kibble for Daredevil and Crow since the two hadn’t eaten yet.

_Andy, I can’t thank you enough for how you’ve helped me tonight, I know I’m not always the easiest when it comes to eating, especially if I’m in a mood but you for some reason are always able to find a way to make me eat. I honestly don't know how our relationship stands right now, I know you’ll be going through a divorce with Juliet and that’s not going to be easy on you but I’ll do the best I can to help you through it, and through the recovery of your neck and hearing. I know you’ll need some time, but I can’t imagine life without you Biersack, I really can’t. We’ve been though so much together and have helped each other though so much shit that I can’t imagine being with anyone else. I know you need time, trust me, take as much time as you need to recover from this and your pending divorce. But, after, if you don’t mind of course, I’d like to formally ask you to be my boyfriend Biersack. Once again on your terms Andy, when you’re ready just tell me and I’ll say yes, because honestly Andy, I’m saying this with complete honesty and sincerity. I’ve fallen in love with you._

**Author's Note:**

> Small oneshot I came up with when watch Grey's Anatomy. Let me know what you think, I'm considering making this a two shot but I'm not entirely sure yet. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading. Much love <3


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